Dating- The Slow Walk
All of us grow up watching and hearing stories of what therapy will or won’t be. We ask ourselves a series of questions as we prepare for our first session; “What will I say?”… “What will they say? And my favorite question of all time; “What the hell was I thinking signing up for this”! Either way, you are never prepared for the first session and to be honest, you really don’t want to be. Because if we were prepared, we orchestrate that session to fold into our dysfunction like a fitted sheet in a linen closet. As a self-proclaimed control freak and a bit of a perfectionist…okay…okay, an overachieving, emotional, borderline OCD perfectionist…I was ready to steam roll that first appointment in true Erica fashion. You know, say all the right things, do all the right things, tilt my head to the side to reflect thought, lean forward to demonstrate interest. Classic textbook body language to pretend like I really wanted to do this. I was prepared to show up like imitation crab shows up in a seafood dish at red lobster. But to my surprise, when the stars aligned, and the universe had its way …my starring role was cancelled. We talked about so much, mainly about things I hadn’t prepared my political press statement for. And when the topic of my singleness surfaced, I just knew my therapist would sympathize with my pain. Ha! She empathized, but she read me like a Dick and Jane book from the1930s. It wasn’t about them…it was all about me and not in the way I had expected it to be. We had work to do and before her office door closed behind me, my therapist left me with some parting words; “Erica, in dating, you got to slow walk that thing. It’s all about data collection. Slow walk it my dear, you know like the Tortoise and the Hare.”So, here we are SLOW walking this dating thing and going to therapy. Y’all, I’m walking so damn slow, I think the tortoise passed me. Where are you in your journey of dating? Are you slow walking it? Are you content? Engage with us below! 👇🏿 What topics would you like to see us write about ✍ 🤔? We want to hear your voice! Written by: EricaM.O.T.M StoryTeller
Healthy Insecurity
It’s ok to not be ok. That’s a real thing. Maybe you’ve heard people say it, however do you believe it?It’s ok to not be ok. I recently put a picture on Facebook of me at the gym. My shoulders looked buff and my arms muscular. I strategically cropped out the extra belly fat. I purposely angled my arms to block my man boobs. I looked great in the photo, you hear me, GREAT! I originally took the picture with the intentions of just sending it to my girlfriend, however I looked so good that i sent it to 3 of my male friends. These guys hold me accountable to working out. The agreement is everyday I go to the gym I send them a picture. Now the crux of why I’m writing this article comes into play here. My originally intent of this particular picture was for my girlfriend, however it got sent to her, my boys, and eventually Facebook and the reason why was because of insecurity. I sent the pictures for the likes. Over the weekend I uncovered information that feed into my suspicion that my ex-wife hide some extra martial activities. Nothings been confirmed but the suspicion and information is reliable and strong. I honestly and sincerely thought I was ok. It’s what I had suspected for awhile anyway. One of the basis of why I couldn’t continue in the marriage was because of inappropriate actions, even if it couldn’t be called flat out cheating. I really thought I had dealt with my feelings regarding this issue. So I thought that I was ok. During the subsequent days that followed once I received the new information I started having dreams that my current girlfriend was cheating on me. I was bothered when she mentioned the name of a guy she once had a crush on. I got jealous when she commented on a male friend’s Facebook post. I had to admit that I wasn’t ok. My subconscious was speaking to me and I had to pay attention. So back to this picture. These latest events and circumstances had me feeling insecure. So the picture I took just for my girlfriend was actually taken to remind her of what she had. I wanted to make sure that she was still attracted to me. My insecurity had me thinking other men were attracting her attention. So I cropped out my belly fat, blocked my man boobs and sent her a “HEY REMEMBER ME” photo. It worked. She loved the photo. But honestly, she loves me. This was my issue not hers. And I took it a little further and took the private photo meant just for her and shared it with my 900+ friends on Facebook, because i needed validation. Now let me tell you why I’m winning, I knew why I was posting the picture. I actually hashtaged the picture with *insecure post*. I knew why I was doing it. I knew that I wasn’t ok. See the problem isn’t being insecure. The concern is when we unconsciously do things because of how we feel. We have external actions based on internal issues. It’s the knowing and accepting responsibility for why you’re committing those actions that shows your growth. It’s ok to not be ok. We all will experience that constantly. However are you willing to accept that and proceed responsibly?Do you have a similar story? Do you have stories of things you’ve been based on insecurities? Will you be transparent and vulnerable enough to share them in this safe space? We would love to hear from you! Share, like, and comment below. You make this all worth while! Written by: Q. Edmonds, Lead M.O.T.M. StoryTeller
The Cycle Of Change
It is said that every 7 years your consciousness changes. Every 11 years your intelligence changes. And every 18 years your whole life changes. India Arie Simpson, also known as India. Arie, is an American singer and songwriter. She once sung the lyrics “The only thing constant in the world is change. That’s why today I take life as it comes”I believe we all know change is inevitable, however, we dread it. When our norm is challenged and our routines are interrupted it knocks us off of our axis.In Susan David’s book Emotional Agility she explains what separates those who master their challenges and those who get derailed by them. She explains the difference is the ability to be emotionally agil.Being emotionally agil can help you cope with the inevitable…..change. This is the season of transitions. This pandemic of covid-19 has caused unexpected transitions. Now is the time to accept the transition. Now is the time to learn how to become emotionally agil so that you can better compartmentalize this change that has been thrust upon you.Maybe you’re in a 7th year of your life. Meaning maybe you’re 21, 28, 35, or 42 and you are in the midst of a consciousness change. Maybe this pandemic has awaking a difference response from you toward your surroundings. Maybe you’re more socially aware with some of the injustices that has happen during this pandemic. Maybe you’re in the 11th year of your life…22, 33, 44, or 55. Maybe you’re in the midst of your intelligence changing. Maybe your sharper now with how you apply the ability and skill you’ve acquired over the years. Maybe this pandemic has opened the opportunity for you to start that business idea you’ve had for years or months.Maybe you’re in the 18th year of your life cycle….36, 54, 72. Maybe your in the midst of a whole life change. Maybe this pandemic has caused you to uproot your whole life. Maybe this wasn’t a pandemic, maybe this was a plan-demic. Maybe this was the push you needed for your plans to be changed and for you to course correct your life. Maybe now is the time to embrace transitions and accept the change that will change your life for the better. I hope you will connect with us here at Matters of the Mind. Life is not intended to be done alone and we want to help. Written by: Q. Edmonds, Lead M.O.T.M. StoryTeller
