Accountability After Divorce: A Healing Journey
Accountability after divorce has been LIFE CHANGING for me!
After the divorce, many thoughts flooded my mind—feelings of rejection, being unwanted, fat, and ugly. I felt like I had something to prove. However, I quickly realized that experiencing these emotions while leaving my actions unchecked was a dangerous combination. “It’s not good for man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). Therefore, I knew that if I remained lonely and isolated, I might do something I would regret.
Choosing Accountability Over Impulse
With this understanding, I made a conscious decision to pick at least one male friend to be completely vulnerable and transparent with—especially regarding my sex life. The person I chose happened to be my closest friend. We had already built a trusting relationship by sharing the deeper layers of our lives. Yet, I knew I needed to take vulnerability a step further. Yes, Brene Brown’s concept of The Vulnerability Factor became essential during this phase of my life.
It was crucial for me to be honest about how the divorce affected my sexual identity and emotions. My ego and pride were bruised, and I wanted validation. I wanted to know if women still desired me. Consequently, my insecurities tempted me to take reckless actions.
Facing the Root of Desire
Because of this, accountability became imperative. Whenever feelings of sexual desire surfaced, I made sure to check in with my accountability partner. Instead of only discussing what I wanted to do, we explored the deeper “why.” Sometimes, I admitted I simply wanted to ejaculate. At other times, I realized I was lonely and craving female company. Other moments revealed I didn’t want sex but just physical touch. This honest communication helped me uncover my true needs.
To make this system work, I had to:
- Communicate, even when I didn’t feel like it.
- Be completely honest at all times.
- Allow space for brutal honesty in return.
This meant hearing truths I didn’t want to face, admitting when I slipped up, and owning when I ignored advice. Ultimately, I had to embrace responsibility and growth.
What Accountability Built in Me
Today, I am in a steady relationship with one woman. I am confident that I wouldn’t be here without embracing accountability after divorce during those early, challenging days. I remain grateful for my friend’s unwavering support and seriousness in holding me accountable.
Accountability gave me the courage to be vulnerable with my current partner. It allowed me to be honest about my past and build a healthier foundation for intimacy.
Accountability and Growth
Holding oneself accountable means owning your feelings and taking responsibility for your contributions to relationships—both the positive and the negative. Additionally, it requires the courage to change, whether by asking for help or applying discipline.
For more on how accountability supports healing after divorce, read here.
Are you willing to be held accountable while single, dating, or exploring? If so, by whom?
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Written by: Q. Edmonds, M.O.T.M. StoryTeller