Keith Battle writes in his phenomenal book, Sidechickology: WHY MEN & WOMEN CHEAT, Understanding, Avoiding, & Recovering From Infidelity. He quotes: “57% of men and 54% of women admit to committing infidelity in a relationship they had. 95% initially deny it when confronted by their mates.” Infidelity by definition is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. Esther Perel, a famed Belgian psychotherapist, said in her book, IN THE STATE OF AFFAIRS, there is no universal agreed-upon definition of what constitutes infidelity. Many assume that Infidelity is just sex. However, infidelity is whenever you are unfaithful to your partner. Whenever you are disloyal, treacherous, or insincere in your relationship, you step in the muddy puddle of infidelity. Often that mud gets tracked through your finances, quality time, intimacy, and sacredness. I committed infidelity in my former marriage. My infidelity was of the physical type. There is no excuse for infidelity, however, there are explanations. Infidelity is a choice, not a mistake. There are stories behind why people do what they do. You can tell your story and take responsibility for your actions. You can offer healing for yourself and gave space to see if the person will receive healing from you. I caused pain, and it was peril. However, what was equally devastating and unraveling, was the fact that my former partner would not admit – and refused to see – that she, herself was guilty of infidelity. Nonsexual infidelity is still infidelity. Betrayal, abandonment, and neglect are detrimental to a relationship. It muddies the union.
This doesn’t absolve me of my actions. However, her denial didn’t alleviate my pain either. My current girlfriend knows about my past. She heard my story. She doesn’t let me off the hook, but she shows me immeasurable empathy. She also sets boundaries. She pushes intimacy through clear kind communication. She safeguards herself, and our relationship, by asking hard questions. This makes the gateway to emotional infidelity as narrow as the eye of a needle. Listen, once you’re dirty, you’re dirty, and becoming clean just may mean starting over again. In my eyes, it’s better to just stay clean and clear of infidelity.
Ask yourself, am I disloyal or insincere in any area of my relationship? The M.O.T.M. Storytellers want to hear from you!
Q. EdmondsLead M.O.T.M. StoryTeller
